je t’aime lol

Something I don’t talk a lot about is love. Relationships. The whole package. And since the last week has seen me crying over my singleness a little too much, I thought y’all could a peek into Ally’s non-existent love life and what I see in my future.

As you can see, this is what my Pinterest feed shows me regularly, making my little broken heart tear up. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, but I have fallen in love with people who didn’t like me back (which seems to be my fav type of guy lol) and it was the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced. To have someone who consumes your every thought, makes you smile (these are so cliché but y’all know how it is) and gets you thinking about the future is a wonderful feeling.

The last time I fell in love was two years ago, with a guy who I knew from the start I couldn’t have. He was super sweet to me and is now a friend of epic proportions. I wasn’t subtle at all and literally everyone who saw the two of us together assumed we were dating. My friends used to say I was happier and bouncier when I liked him. It was a fun time and moving on from a boyfriend (who isn’t really your boyfriend lmao) is hard but I made it to the other side (struggles of a little blessed kid :3). The first time I fell in love, I was a little too young to understand but I knew I loved him. Perfect by Ed Sheeran was put on loop. When I mustered enough courage to tell him, he wasn’t very nice about it but it’s okay now. And now here I am.

Last week, I would start crying for absolutely no reason at all, which always ended up with me crying about not having love.

I had no idea what I was doing with life. And it wasn’t like I could do anything about it either. I would breathe and say to the Lord, “Okay, I know everything good happens in Your time”. It didn’t make the whole thing easier though. At least in the “very realistic” Netflix teen movies we see, the main character has perfect grades. I don’t even have that. But the funny thing is, I just need a loving husband/boyfriend and babies and I’m good. I literally just could be the happiest person in the solar system with that.

My parents might be little more than the required level of toxic, but I see them together, and it’s love. The two could not be more different from each other, but you can see the absolute affection they have for each other. They adore each other to heaven, even 19 years later and it’s very sweet for me to see them bonding. Cleaning out rooms brings out a few love letters (tatbilb 4: 90s version) and while they deny feeling such mushy-gushy feelings, they have each other and they know it.

Whenever I’m feeling especially down about things like this, I read the Bible that was gifted to my parents for their wedding. I read 1 Corinthians 13. If you haven’t read it yet, you should, because it is one of the most beautiful things I’ve read.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 -7

So maybe what I’m trying to understand after writing all this is that it will be okay. You will find love, and that will make everything seems straight out of a musical. You might even hop on park benches singing your love in amazing pitch, complete with a dance routine that would make the cast of High School Musical envious. And the world will be a little bit sweeter because of it.

3 thoughts on “je t’aime lol

  1. Hey, Ally!
    I am hosting a little blog party to celebrate 3 years of blogging and 1000 followers, and you are invited! The post will be live tonight at 8PM IST.
    Hope to see you there:)

    Liked by 1 person

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