blog

senior year so far

She walked into the room slowly, doubtless that all eyes were on her. Her scuffed-up Converse which was her most prized item of clothing did nothing to stop her ankles from shaking. Her eyes were hesitant to glance up at the people who once unknowingly delayed her depression. But look up she did. Four hundred and eighty seven people looked at her, facial expressions unknown behind the masks they wore. She turned to leave, but was stopped by the sound of something she never expected, a sound so beautiful she felt she didn’t deserve it, which if we’re being honest, she didn’t. She turned, teary-eyed, to the sound of applause followed by the biggest group hug.

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL WHENEVER I COME BACK TO THIS BLOG! You guys are so amazing, very supportive and some of the most loving people I have ever met. I’m not gonna keep false promises saying that I’ll be more regular. I’m in my senior year and my finals are fast approaching. While so many people I know are worrying about choosing a college, I worry about passing. Both are very valid concerns and to those of you who are worrying about anything at all, I pray it gets better soon. You are talented and so wonderful, more than you could ever know and you got this.

How has senior year been for little big Ally so far? I have been overwhelmed and underwhelmed so much, it’s crazy. My grades aren’t great. I don’t know how to study. I’m the person who ditches small meaningful work for the big fun. So even though college is looking pretty difficult for me, I went for my farewell and my graduation is soon. Farewell was amazing, I’m starting to understand that school is almost over.

My relationship with my parents is slowly cooling. You know when lava is hot as heck at first but after a while it forms a shape that after cooling, it can’t change but it can be broken? That’s how my relationship with my mother & father is. We’ve had the same fights for the last two years and the last two weeks, so we’re just all a little exhausted, with both sides believing they’re truly right. After a point, I have no interest in rebuilding the relationship and I doubt it will change cause my parents raised an opinionated rebel :3

(Relationships with family aren’t always good. Something that is normalized is love for parents. Sometimes they aren’t the greatest people or not the greatest for mental health. Normalize stepping back to see your family as actual people. Would you like them if you weren’t related?)

I’ve been on a fitness journey for the last two years. I started working out in 2020 and last year, my friend sent me her workout plan which coincided with the time I started tracking my calories. Her workout has been very effective for me. I’ve been wanting to get a flat stomach for the last two years and thanks to her, I’m getting close. Remember that every picture of your physical goal took lots of work. It’s not a destination, it’s a journey and everyday you take that step towards your health is a step towards your ideal body/weight/physique. You got this.

Now on that note, I have to begin my workout (workout post soon?) and go play soccer lol. Love you guys, have a great day.

je t’aime lol

Something I don’t talk a lot about is love. Relationships. The whole package. And since the last week has seen me crying over my singleness a little too much, I thought y’all could a peek into Ally’s non-existent love life and what I see in my future.

As you can see, this is what my Pinterest feed shows me regularly, making my little broken heart tear up. I’ve never been in a serious relationship, but I have fallen in love with people who didn’t like me back (which seems to be my fav type of guy lol) and it was the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced. To have someone who consumes your every thought, makes you smile (these are so cliché but y’all know how it is) and gets you thinking about the future is a wonderful feeling.

The last time I fell in love was two years ago, with a guy who I knew from the start I couldn’t have. He was super sweet to me and is now a friend of epic proportions. I wasn’t subtle at all and literally everyone who saw the two of us together assumed we were dating. My friends used to say I was happier and bouncier when I liked him. It was a fun time and moving on from a boyfriend (who isn’t really your boyfriend lmao) is hard but I made it to the other side (struggles of a little blessed kid :3). The first time I fell in love, I was a little too young to understand but I knew I loved him. Perfect by Ed Sheeran was put on loop. When I mustered enough courage to tell him, he wasn’t very nice about it but it’s okay now. And now here I am.

Last week, I would start crying for absolutely no reason at all, which always ended up with me crying about not having love.

I had no idea what I was doing with life. And it wasn’t like I could do anything about it either. I would breathe and say to the Lord, “Okay, I know everything good happens in Your time”. It didn’t make the whole thing easier though. At least in the “very realistic” Netflix teen movies we see, the main character has perfect grades. I don’t even have that. But the funny thing is, I just need a loving husband/boyfriend and babies and I’m good. I literally just could be the happiest person in the solar system with that.

My parents might be little more than the required level of toxic, but I see them together, and it’s love. The two could not be more different from each other, but you can see the absolute affection they have for each other. They adore each other to heaven, even 19 years later and it’s very sweet for me to see them bonding. Cleaning out rooms brings out a few love letters (tatbilb 4: 90s version) and while they deny feeling such mushy-gushy feelings, they have each other and they know it.

Whenever I’m feeling especially down about things like this, I read the Bible that was gifted to my parents for their wedding. I read 1 Corinthians 13. If you haven’t read it yet, you should, because it is one of the most beautiful things I’ve read.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 -7

So maybe what I’m trying to understand after writing all this is that it will be okay. You will find love, and that will make everything seems straight out of a musical. You might even hop on park benches singing your love in amazing pitch, complete with a dance routine that would make the cast of High School Musical envious. And the world will be a little bit sweeter because of it.

gratitude

I used to consider myself a pretty decent person. I wasn’t quick to anger, never got jealous and tried to be nice to people whenever I remembered that they were going through things unknown to us. I am not this person anymore.

I was going to write about the troubles of my life (lol) but I remembered that my last post was very low and depressing, and as much as we say, “If you feel sad, talk to me” it becomes a major downer. So I decided to write about gratitude.

I’m really bad at expressing my emotions. This is ironic because whenever I play sports, I’m always the only one laughing at stupid things, screaming encouragements to my teammates, and fighting for that point that we earned. So you wouldn’t think that I’d have a hard time telling how I feel. An emotion I rarely express is gratitude.

For the last two years, I have been stuck at home with my family (last year before I go to college ~bittersweet~) so we have been seeing a little too much of each other for quite some time. They haven’t been able to do major things for me lately (and vice versa) but when they do, I am very half-hearted in showing my thanks. I don’t do much for them, which is really bad, because I’m almost an adult and here they are, spoon-feeding me as if I were 5, only less love from their side and less cuteness from mine.

All they ask for sometimes is good grades. And funnily enough, that is the one thing I cannot do (not that I’m multitalented lol but…) I’ve seen that in summer, or the days right after school exams, my parents are insanely loving. They don’t nag me to study and they hug me so much and it’s such a euphoric feeling that all I can think of is this is going to stop anytime now.

There are so many people besides my parents who I should be grateful to. God, first and foremost, for guiding me through life every second of everyday, giving me my small joys and keeping me safe. The people who cook food and clean my house who I have so much love and respect for. The family I am related to and the family I am going to make and be a part of. My wonderful friends, without whom, the 14 years of my school life would have been the plot of the unpopular, boring kid in all the cliché teen movies. The blogger community who took me in and made me find a *cue the skies of Agrabah* A WHOLE NEW WORRRRRRRRRRLDDDDDDDDD.

For everything everyone has done,

Thank you (resisting the urge to say next)

mental health + a february recap

This month was a wreck for me. I went through a lot of issues physically, mentally & emotionally. Let me start off by saying, mental health matters. It matters as much as physical health, perhaps even more. I have no idea what tomorrow holds – and I don’t know if it’s my mustard seed sized faith talking or my laziness or my probable ADHD – but I cannot study yet I still believe that things will turn out okay. I also believe that YOLO. So I do the little things I can in this pandemic world that give me little bits of serotonin. At least someone does that for me.

I am very into self pity as well. It seems like no one cares about me even though I have a family who does the basic minimum for me, even though I am born into a rich middle class family, even though I go to one of the best schools in my state. The other day, I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across a reel one of my mutual friends made. It featured screen recordings and screenshots of embarrassing pictures of a lot of my friends. I watched the full thirty seconds kind of hoping my face would pop up, though I wasn’t super close with her. And surprise, surprise, it didn’t.

For some reason, that pushed me over my lukewarm edge. I wasn’t totally sure if I was happy or sad. But that little video compilation made me question the 17 years I had spent in the world and all that jazz 🤡 I deleted my Instagram and Snapchat. My heart was actually hurting. This past year (I use this phrase a lot lmao) had obviously been hard for everyone. But now I couldn’t even talk to my friends about it. They weren’t the same and maybe I wasn’t either. You know those Pinterest videos you see comparing friends and best friends? I realised I just had a lot of friends. A lot.

My parents kept insisting I study 10+ hours a day. I cannot even sit 1 hour without daydreaming and that’s the tea, sister. My father trusted my younger sister more than me in a lot of things and that freaking hurt. My younger sister acted like a huge b-word to me. My mom was whiny and complaining (lol the apple don’t fall far from the tree). And I didn’t know what to do.

I prayed though. That was something, a big thing, that kept me from stopping my heart or hurting myself. I didn’t want to study to become something I had zero interest in. I wanted to help people. I wanted to be a mother so bad. You probably won’t hear a lot of almost 20 year olds say they want to be a mother and not further their career. But I was so done with what others thought about me.

Reading this through, you might think I’m a narcissistic spoilt whiny girl who has the biggest silver spoon stuck in her mouth. I probably am. I think I’m pretty and that isn’t necessarily stuck up of me. I do think of my problems a lot. I’m thankful and blessed by the good Lord but not always grateful. I don’t use the words love and hate loosely and so, right now, I do not hate or love anyone, not even my family. I appreciate them and that is all. I don’t get angry, but I cry when I speak about something I’m passionate about. And I know a lot of people who don’t stand up for the right thing and try living peacefully but I’m not them.

I am a Christian, feminist, LGBTQ+ supporter (yes, there are Christians like us), believes Black Lives Matter and all other discriminated community lives matter too. I pray for my kids and for my husband and for the people I will meet in the future. I want to have a life rich in love, hope and faith in the Lord.

Let’s be kindred spirits.

400 followers?!?!?!?!?!?!

i am very very confused. i checked my blog to distract myself from the impending earthquake that is finals and i had 208 followers, i.e, one more followers since my dramatic return. one 45-minute physics class later, i check my blog once more and guess what i see?

i-

i was silently staring at the screen for a while, not sure whether to let the inner party animal inside be surface or worry that my blog was hacked. even now, i’m stunned.

after calming down for a while, i decided to publish an award post that was in my drafts since the blogosphere was created and now let me get to the part of the post where i say:

ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOPZXCVBNMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

i am beyond thankful to you 266 newbies for letting me post a 400 follower post before i could post a 300 follower one. i cannot believe my eyes; y’all are the greatest people ever. for this momentous occasion, i gift you all TWO waffles!

site stats:

total posts: 60

most liked post: 100 followers + 3rd monthversary

most viewed page: about me, allyson

total comments: 575

i’m entirely thankful and slightly flabbergasted. thank you for joining me on my journey.

the hustler blogger award

hey everyone im back w another award. i was nominated by the amazing blogger and award creator Mark Anthony of Mark Anthony’s Wall. thank u, mark! here are the rules and questions along w my answers.

rules

  • make sure to include this banner in your award post. you can make it the featured photo or you can just attach it along the blog post
  • be sure to give me (markanthonyswall.wordpress.com) pingback on your post, so i’ll be able to read them
  • you can nominate numerous bloggers of your choice, but make sure it isn’t less than 5 people

Questions

why did you start a blog?

i loved writing ever since i was little and this seemed like a nice way to publicize my skills and also get happiness

what/who inspired you to do it?

the first blogger i read was hideaway girl and she had an amazing blog and i wanted to have one of my own after that

what motivates you to keep pushing and creating content and make your site alive?

idk really. it depends on what i feel. if i feel like binge-posting, i do that and if i feel like taking an unscheduled 8 month break, i do that

who are your fave bloggers? and how do they urge you to grow as well?

in my short time back, i have grown to love the blogs of olivia, esmeralda, ana regina & anna coleman. please check them out, im sure you’ll like it too

what lesson/s have you learned through your experience?

more faith less mean

has blogging brought impact to you as a person? if yes, what are these?

totally. i see my writing style change and i appreciate other writers a lot more

not everyone are confident enough to start a blog. what advice can you give ’em?

yolo honey 🥸

give 3 facts about you as a blogger (strengths or flaws)

okay here goes. i clearly do not have a blogging schedule, which can be perceived as irresponsible or spontaneous – let’s go w spontaneous. then, i haven’t written an actual writing piece in a while which is what this blog is for. lastly, i love my blog and everyone who knows about it 🥺😙

drop down your blog post which you are most proud of (together with the link so we can read it)

probably one of my christian posts: dancing in the dark and this achievement post: 100 followers + 3rd monthversary

i tag

kaelyn

olivia

ragashree

bayance

& ana regina

chocolate mug cake

okay as promised here is the recipe for the easiest and the most amazing choco lava mug cake in the world. the recipe is from the craft patch blog, but here i give some helpful tips & tweaks you can use while making it. so w/o further ado, here’s the recipe!


you will need:


• 2 tablespoons of unsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons of water
• a pinch of salt (skip if using salted butter)
• 2-4 tablespoons of sugar according to your level
• 1-4 tablespoons of flour (you can use either white & wheat flour)
• 2 tablespoons cocoa powder (read note)
• ¼ teaspoon vanilla essence (i ran out of vanilla essence once so i used pancake syrup/maple syrup, it tastes even better!)
• chocolate chips/sprinkles (optional, doesn’t really change/enhance the taste, but it’s a cute add-on)


method:

  1. add the butter in a microwavable mug and melt in the microwave for a minute
  2. add the water, salt (read instruction above) and sugar
  3. you can stir if you want here, or at the very end
  4. add the flour (either flour doesn’t change the taste, but wheat is healthier. if using wheat flour, add slightly less than you would for white flour, because it’s lighter.)
  5. add cocoa powder and vanilla essence
  6. stir.
  7. heat this in the microwave for 30 seconds
  8. top with your favorites & enjoy!
    note: for a more lava consistency, add 1-2 tablespoons of flour (i add 1.5); for a cake-like feel, add 2-4 tablespoons of flour. for this recipe, i use unsalted butter, wheat flour and hershey’s cocoa powder. the quality of cocoa powder is extremely important – this tastes better with good cocoa powder. hope y’all enjoy!)

the peer pressure tag

i was tagged by the always amazing Ana Regina of Diversion 3000 who tagged me in spite of my always-active-never-procrastinating self hehe and i am so thankful. this tag was made by bluemallowmelt of Random Thoughts of my Fandom and i’m beyond excited to try a tag after so long! without further ado, let’s get to the tag! woo! (what i get for watching lexi rivera & ben azelart during online class smh)

rules

  • link back to the creator aka bluemallowmelt
  • provide a link to the person who tagged you.
  • answer all questions honestly. no lying!
  • come up with 5 questions of your own. (4 have to be about peer pressure; 1 can be random and about whatever)
  • tag at least 10 people and provide links to their blogs. please no “you!”
  • recommend at least 5 books or songs you see everywhere/are very popular that you’ve read or listened to.
  • use the hashtag #peerpressure tag for easier visibility.

questions by ana

what’s the last thing you’ve done or said because of peer pressure?

during these times where u can’t even see your friends or even physically acknowledge ANYTHING, whenever my friends would talk about their grades and their study process or anything related, i would just agree and say my grades are good too, even though it really isn’t.

can you name a piece of clothing or type of shoes or something related to fashion you hate that you wouldn’t wear even if it’s trendy?

fanny packs. i do not get the hype.

what’s your least favorite subject? why?

chemistry. i haven’t heard my parents ever talk about the molecular structure of ethene and i doubt i will ever talk about it either.

who’s someone you wanna be like? (you know, a role model for you)

prolly Jesus, because of obvious reasons.

(random question) if you could buy ANYTHING right now, what would you buy?

all clothes in H&M. and a black mask, because safety first.

my questions

  • what was the last thing you did unwillingly due to peer pressure?
  • if someone you knew went through peer pressure, what would you do to help them?
  • what do you think cause peer pressure (factors)?
  • have you been judged for something you like(d)/feel strongly about? how did you feel?
  • your opinion on hoodies. yes, i went there.

i tag

Elm of Just Call Me Elm or Something

Kaelyn of Kaelyn’s Life

Ragashree of Fantasylife

Starr of Untold Constellations

Bella of Miss Glam Gal

Ally of Girl Illustrated

Shay of Planet Shay

Savannah of Stars and Stories

Ally of Write Ally! Write!

and Eleanor of Pointe to Christ

songs on repeat

i hope y’all have fun doing this tag.

therefore i am…inactive

hey everyone! happy (late) new year! so much has happened since i last posted, obviously but i would love to know about your lives. please comment down below anything you want to share (if you don’t want it visible on the comment feed, please mention that, i’ll reply via email). as you all must surely know, i have been extremely inactive recently, but please know that you guys have a special place in my heart.

age updates: i’m sixteen (going on 17 *cue sound of music playlist*)

2020 was a crappy year for everyone, i suppose (but if it wasn’t, power to u!) but it’s a new year. all of us have heard fantastical tales about new starts. (it’s your birthday, it’s a new start or it’s the new year, it’s a new start) and so many others. throughout the last year, i found and lost myself and i know it’s THE most cliché thing to say, but it is the shortest way to define all i went thru. and a little reminder to everyone: your struggles aren’t a competition. you might be going thru depression and your friend might have lost their parents, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to be sad. mental health is as important as physical health, maybe even more.

i also was closer to God than i have ever been, and try to start and end my day with a random Bible verse. story time: i believe the greatest things in the world are love, hope and faith. and i live by that, or i try to. but one day, i wasn’t feeling very happy and i just sat down on the bathroom floor, in the middle of my bath, and cried my heart out. i hadn’t found a love like they talk about in songs or movies, my friends were acing their grades while i was barely passing (i wasn’t jealous, but this reason made me feel like my problems were trivial, they would tell me not to worry and work on my future. but it wasn’t as easy as that), my faith in life and (i am ashamed to admit this, but) Jesus was slowly fading and my hope for a happy life had almost gone. thankfully, the Lord found me again and has put my heart at peace. i will believe in His name.

i found friends that i’ve known my whole life but never really “known”. i grew apart from people who i lived for in 2019. i have a love-hate relationship with my family, but i wouldn’t have it any other way deep down in my soul. i colored my hair red (which faded when i jumped in a pool w/o a swimming cap DON’T TRY THAT EVER, KIDS!) and found myself to actually be pretty. i got a new cousin in late 2019, and he is the cutest and happiest little baby i have ever seen.

okay so this is unrelated but you are gonna love me for this (hopefully). i have found the easiest recipe for the most amazing chocolate lava mug cake ever! i will be posting an article about it soon, so stay tuned!

the elephant in the room, coronavirus, is still large and in charge. but we’re getting to a place where it might not be anymore. slowly, we’re fighting it. also, TO ALL MY AUSTRALIAN-NEW ZEALANDERS READING THIS, I AM PROUD OF Y’ALL BY EPIC PROPORTIONS! i hope none of you or your loved ones have contracted covid.

i hope you guys have a wonderful life ahead. i have finals soon, so i (fingers crossed!) might post more in summer but irdek and honestly, that’s okay.

quarantine tings

hi everybody! so i was hoping that the corona virus would be going downhill by the time i next posted anything here, but that doesn’t seem to be the case and probably won’t be for the next one-two years smh. but the best thing about staying at home is the time we get to spend with our family. it’s not like we see a whole new side to them, but you see the work they do and the stress they face. seeing the strongest people in your life so vulnerable makes you love them even more 💕

i spend a normal quarantine day in ignorant bliss. it’s still summer here and the monsoon season has started. in india, we are going to be facing cyclones and floods very soon, which is scary, because idk how we are going to face a global pandemic along w a flooded state.

i wake up at 9am and talk to my parents for a while. they both go for work now which is a whole different thing for them during this time. i use instagram, snapchat, spotify and tiktok for like an hour. (tiktok is facing some bad drama right now, so i’ll be deleting my account) when my dad comes home, i play at least five games of chess with him. i also play soccer w some kids who live nearby.

i’m sorry this post is so short but this is all i do a day lol 😂.

how do you guys spend everyday? do u guys have online school now? how does that work? let me know in the comments 😉